Ive done something and i might be in trouble?

i recently jacked off and my sperm got on the ground, they tried to retaliate by forming in a group and drowning me, i grabbed my kitchen knife and slit there throats one by one, it took a while and then i threw there little bodies into the nearby river... i dont know if i might be sent to prison for this or if i thought this happened cause of how much crack i smoked but please help